At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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