sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I cut my penus on the lid.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
