so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
