I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
