I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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