Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
