Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
