it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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