I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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