i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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