tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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