worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
