i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
