Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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