I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
