i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just invented taco cereal.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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