so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
