i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
