Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
