she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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