Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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