you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
