I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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