We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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