I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
