Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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