My sheets look like a crime scene.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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