3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
