Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
