Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
