She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Holy sore nipples Batman
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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