i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
