BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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