I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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