So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
