I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish my penis had a tongue
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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