Duck Duck Cougar?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
