Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So many bounce houses so little time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
