Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
