I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
