Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
