im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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