It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
