Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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