you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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