I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my liver is dry heaving
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
