The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
