from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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