Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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