He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
