there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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