she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
