so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
