I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
