Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
