Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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